Darkfire
by Adamant Eve aka anna-neko
Summary: Raven consults with the essence of Azar after destroying Cinderblock and discovers that something terrible within her had been reawakened, but amidst her sacrifice, she finds help in the most unexpected way. Accompanies "Guiding Star"
1. Part I Dark's Descent

﻿ 

Author's Notes: This is a side-story of "Guiding Star". I think Raven's such an awesome babe that I believe she deserves her own story. This will be very short, though. I have said that I do not see Raven with Beast Boy, and it seems I will adhere to that premise, but I'd like to show you just how I feel about Raven's relationships in general. Because I feel bad that I'm not into the RavBB pairing, I got them to interact in this fic, hopefully in a manner RavBB fans would like (if not be totally happy about). Don't be afraid. I'm no hater. I love Beast Boy. I wish I had a Beast Boy.

Summary: Raven's mind is a dark, dark place, and who knows what lurks in its depths. Something wicked this way comes, and she's the only one strong enough to stop it. Or is she?

Genre: Angst and more angst.

Rating: PG-13, for mature, abstract and dark concepts. If you scoff at witchcraft and mysticism, you might scoff at this.

* * *

**Pronunciation Guide (some words in the text could be a mouth-full):**

Ain Soph – Ah-yin Sop

Arcana – Ar-KAH-na

Athame – AH-thah-may

Deosil – Jesh-il

Geburah – Gee-boo-RAH

Kether – KEH-ter

Mabon – May-bun

Malkuth – Mal-KOOT

Netzach – Neh-TZAK

Samhain – Sow-in

Sephiroth – SEP-ee-rot

Tarot – TAIR-oh

Tiphareth – Tip-E-ret

Yesod – Yee-SOD

* * *

Standard disclaimers apply. 

**Darkfire**

**by Adamant Eve**

**Part I – Dark's Descent **

Raven sought her center one more time and found it.

Coating it with the tendrils of her power, she tried, after having failed several times in the last hour, to maintain her grip. She spoke her mantra with near-dead calm, letting her words sink into her consciousness; until she was no longer aware that she was speaking them.

The darkness cloaked her, the chill that marked its arrival waning at the touch of her powers. Her heartbeat slowed, her breathing evened out. Levitation ceased to be a conscious effort and the tips of hair rippled against the telepathic threads flowing from her pores in gentle cascades.

She was one with her emotions; with her mind; silent, constant and stabilized. She dared to think she had done it, but she dared too soon.

The calm slipped; just once, and she tumbled ceaselessly into chaos. There was nothing to grasp and the cosmic shelter she had built around herself crumbled. Rushing headlong out of her meditative state, she panicked momentarily, only to realize that she _couldn't afford_ to lose control. Plunging within herself, she made a rough grab for her emotions, stuffed it into a vault and slammed the door shut.

Raven came crashing to the floor on her rump and the vase nearby was obliterated with only the smallest hiss to sound its demise. The flowers that were nesting in it fell to the floor with a wet splat. The water looked murky. It hadn't been changed for days.

_Starfire usually does that._

Raven let go of a shallow sigh, irritated with herself for another failed attempt, yet managing to keep even _those_ emotions in check. She didn't even bother to rise off the floor. She just sat there and stared out through the vast, panoramic windows. The view consisted mostly of the bay, but a part of the city jutted from the right and she could clearly make out a cluster of trees in the distance. The Bay Side Park was a stark green amidst its gray, ominous urban background.

_There's always that ray of light. _

Raven blew a breath from the corner of her lip. She hated it when she got melodramatic.

It had been especially difficult to focus these past few weeks. Up until Cinderblock came crashing through their crimeless-calm, one would think all the idle-time she used meditating would have been equivalent to a great deal of progress as far as her inner battles were concerned, but it hadn't. It was a struggle growing more brutal by the day, making her a recluse obsessive about her books. She could tell the others were wondering, but they had learned enough about her personality to leave her alone.

Starfire had tried to talk to her, of course. Raven had sensed Starfire's apprehension; that their bond of friendship, having come so far, was slowly falling back from where it began. The Tamaranean valued that bond, and Ravenfelt the same. She wanted to assure Starfire that she had nothing to worry about; that there was nowhere to move but forward as far as their relationship was concerned. But that would have been nurturing, and Raven didn't do nurturing.

And now this.

_Cinderblock, destroyed… Starfire, unconscious… everyone else, lost..._

Well, at least _she _was lost. She wasn't sure about the others, but they certainly weren't looking better in the aftermath.

Her head hurt just thinking about it.

Getting to her feet, she decided she would need to bring out the big guns if she wanted to get anywhere, meditating. She needed to go to her room.

A quick trip down the elevators to the chamber levels had her in her room in less than three minutes. As her doors opened, she was met by an image of herself in the large, pentagonal mirror hanging on the wall. The dim lighting in her room made her image look phantasmal and faceless; her strange, ashen skin melding with the dark décor of the room.

_No wonder Starfire despaired at the possibility of being stuck looking like me._

She smirked. Then again, she didn't like the idea that she was doomed to look like some dysfunctional Mary Sunshine and Rainbows either.

Her eyes fell upon her sculpture of the Tragedy and Comedy Masks perched on her oddly shaped pedestal. What a coincidence that it was appropriately parallel to her thoughts.

Raven glided into her room and went straight to her dresser. She barely noticed the soft hiss of her closing doors as she picked up the strange vanity mirror lying between her candle cups.

She saw her reflection again on its surface, but this image was much more sinister. The mirror hanging from her wall reflected what was there to see. The mirror in her hand parted the glamour, exposing what lay underneath.

Taking a deep breath, she set it aside for the moment, going to the enormous trunk looming beside her door. She muttered her mantra softly and the lid was immediately blanketed by the shadows of her power. The heavy lid rose and she levitated it aside, setting it down on the floor. It thudded gently. The thing had to be at least two hundred pounds.

Peering into her trunk, she gathered her thoughts and concentrated on what she would need. Deliberately, she reached for the rings of Azar first.

It clinked in her palm; red rings made of a material not known in this dimension. Azar of Azarath, her former guardian and spiritual elder, had a particular distaste for Earth stones, saying they were erratic and undependable. Raven slipped each ring around her forefingers and looked back into the trunk for the rest of the things she would need.

She grasped her obsidian-blade Athame by its hilt. The black leather binding its wooden handle was worn and faded, but it was a powerful tool. Already, she could feel its essence seeping through her fingers.

Next, she pulled out a wand. It looked nothing like the wands of pop culture. It wasn't sleek, it didn't have a felt tip and it certainly didn't sprinkle fairy dust. It was an ordinary looking piece of wood that one might idly pick from the forest floor to make a campfire with. In fact, it looked partially burnt at one end. The stick of wood had been knocked from an Ash tree by lightning, making it all the more desirable for those like her. It was roughly twenty inches in length with runes etched crudely into its bark.

Her pewter chalice and palm sized hematite ball sat atop each other, and she levitated it out of her box, setting them carefully at her feet.

Clutching the Athame and wand in one hand, she crouched down and pushed back the purple carpet spanning the center of her room. On the floor was an etched circle, and within the circle was a pentagram. The etching was well worn in, carved by the Athame, no less, and Raven wondered what the titan boys would say if they found it.

Starfire already saw it, and she hadn't made a big deal. The girl understood symbols if everything else confused her, and she was, after all, a Goddess and sun worshiper, but the boys—well, their reactions were yet to be seen.

With ritual precision, Raven distributed the objects she had gathered evenly over the circle. Not leaving its confines, she summoned various herbs from within her trunk: St. John's Wort, myrrh, frankincense, jasmine, angelica, dill, fennel and some cucumber rose into the air. She swirled them together—_deosil _or clockwise, brought them above her and released. The herbs fell around, over, within and beyond her magical circle. They were mostly protection herbs, with accompanying properties that enhanced strength, clarity of mind and awareness. After a moment's thought, she called over some Mugwort. She could do with a bit of inner enlightenment.

Finally, she pulled the mirror within the circle. She positioned herself so that the pentagram was upright and put the mirror in front of her. She shifted it so that the handle would be pointing away from her while its glass surface lay flat on the floor. But she hesitated.

_September now… Mabon, between Lammas and Samhain. Its fires might be weak._

She reversed the mirror, handle towards her and surface up.

Raven was ready, and getting into the lotus position, she straightened her back, angled her arms and wrists and closed her eyes. She breathed, following a rhythm, and when the calm began to settle, she drew on the energies of the objects surrounding her.

The Athame represented air and the male energy: creation, death and rebirth; the hematite sphere, or the Pentacle, represented earth; the glass chalice (all the more powerful for having been given by Starfire as a birthday present… of course, the boys had been confused) represented water, and all things feminine, like love, life, healing; and finally the wand, representing fire.

The scent of the herbs grew potent, and she let them enter her, giving her the power she needed to go on this journey.

She began to chant her mantra, and almost instantly, the feeling of going within herself, the nesting in her inner void, became palpable. She knew she had a firmer grip. It was the circle, and the herbs, and the rings and the mirror. She felt them cradling her, and her confidence reverberated through her consciousness.

Raven pushed further still. She had to reach that place, that deep cavern within her that would summon the Essence. She had questions. Azar's Essence would know the answers to them.

Her progress was momentarily halted by a loud groan, like a big, monstrous beast waking from a dark sleep. For a moment, fear gripped her, and she thought she would be sucked out of the path, but she wrapped the wards around her and she was comforted, the steadiness of her journey resuming.

She knew what that sound was, and she knew why it stirred, but she didn't have to be comfortable about it. In fact, it was the very reason she was doing this. She cloaked herself more closely. The Seed wasn't going to find her this time, at least.

In the distance, she saw a grayish light. It twisted and turned like a heavy mist with a ball of fire at the core. Carefully, Raven reached for it, and as her fingertips came in contact with the haze, there was a dark flash, like a shadow cast to block the rays of the moon.

Raven winced, but as her vision cleared, she saw that she stood at the edge of an eclipse. A few feet away stood a woman much, much older than she was. Her spirit was ancient, but her face held youth. She was the essence of Azar.

While this was in no way the granddaughter of the revered founders of the Temple Azarath, Raven had sought this entity for guidance several times in the past. While the Azar essence didn't exactly embody the values the actual Azar was loved for, it possessed Azar's wisdom. Raven would have to rely on the humanity Azar imbibed in her to be guided from misinterpreting that wisdom.

"Azar, I need your counsel."

Azar turned, her face even deader of emotion than Raven's. "Speak child."

Raven tried not to put too much significance in the word Azar used to refer to her. This was, after all, as close to a computer database as the spiritual world could get. It was practically programmed to call her that. "I am in turmoil. The calm becomes harder and harder to grasp. I've made great progress since I first joined the Titans, but now it's as if I've begun to regress. I fear that my actions yesterday of killing Cinderblock has only made it worse. That side of me that I have sought to control all my life is stirring anew, stronger than ever."

Azar nodded sagely. "It is but natural."

Raven was surprised by this. "It doesn't _feel_ natural. It was like the very progress that I made was the cause of my demise. Starfire… my connection with her encompasses a great deal of my strength. She helped me build that connection; solidified it. She _knows _I can love her without being a danger to myself, or to her. So when Cinderblock hurt her—something inside me rose; I let it out willingly. I killed him because he hurt Starfire; I love Starfire, so I hated Cinderblock. It was as if I had to move forward just so I could reach my downfall. It—it—" She let out a breath, unable to find the proper words. "It ain't _kosher."_

Azar raised a feathery hand to calm her rippling emotions. "You are in _Geburah_, the mid-plane between _Yessod_ and _Kether_; the Foundation, and the Crown of Creation."

Raven had to wrack her brain to find reference for the words. Azar was a great scholar of mysticism; her knowledge covering the mysticisms of Azarath and those of the planets spanning the galaxies. It wouldn't be a stretch to assume that Azar would use Earth-based mysticism to explain Raven's predicament.

It came to Raven a moment later, and it was almost logical that Azar would use that reference after Raven had used the word "kosher".

It was Qabalah, or _Kabbala—_ancient Hebrew magic. Azar was talking about the Sephiroth of Consciousness; the Tree of Life, upon which on its apex sat _Ain Soph_, or ones higher spiritual being.

_Fitting,_ thought Raven; at least to the structure of her spiritual quest. She wasn't without her objections, though. "The Tree has ten levels, Azar. In its middle is a void. There is no middle. What are you talking about?"

"The first level," began Azar, "is the _Malkuth. _It is considered separate from the _Sephiroth._ It is the level in which man has not left the earth. It consists of material things that do nothing to better our inner selves. It is what we are born in. Any person, whether Jew, gentile, Buddhist—they can attain _Malkuth;_ live in it, without even knowing it is in the bottom of the spiritual barrel."

Raven listened, processed and nodded. Eliminating _Malkuth_ from the Tree left the nine other levels which were all spiritual in nature. The level in the middle would therefore be the fifth one. Like Azar said, she was in _Geburah; _she was at war.

It immediately became clear and she cursed. _Of course!_ She was halfway to her ultimate goal. She had reached the point where the struggle within her was strongest. She was empowered enough to lurch forward, yet so were the obstacles that sought to take her. Her enlightenment was at war with the Seed of Trigon and evil had scored a colossal point when she gave in to her blood lust with Cinderblock.

"The tide has shifted in favor of Trigon's Seed," said Azar. "You have put yourself and everyone else in danger."

Raven frowned. "I will beat it back. I've done it before."

"It is not that simple. _Before, _with Dr. Light, you _did not_ give in , you almost did, but you didn't. You chose wisely on that catalyst. The more recent circumstances surrounding your decision to kill Cinderblock foreshadowed another catalyst. It is at moments like those that the struggle escalates, both aspects of your being gaining immeasurable power. It was for you to decide which side would hold sway. You chose the dark path, so you have made that side of you powerful while the influence of Azarath weakens; continues to do so."

"No."

"Yes. Azarath will lose this battle, Raven, if you do not do something about it."

Determination was easy to come by. "Tell me what to do."

"You need a vessel; a strong vessel. Pure and powerful; and under ordinary circumstances, that vessel must be invulnerable to your intrusion."

Raven arched an eyebrow. "My _intrusion?"_

"You will use this vessel therefore there will be some intruding involved."

"How could I intrude on something invulnerable?"

"Let us just say she is in—_extraordinary_ circumstances now, therefore what once was invulnerable is vulnerable."

"She?" Raven glared at her as realization sunk in. "You want me to turn Starfire into a vessel."

"It is not a want. I do not _want._ It is a necessity. She commands her spiritual self. She is powerful and untainted. Implant the Seed inside her and she can keep it sealed without her even knowing it. In the meantime, you can grow strong, take back what footing you lost, and eventually, you will be able to overcome that evil Seed when you reclaim it. It is for your own good and everyone else. If the Seed gets a hold of you now, it will be catastrophic. You will not be able to overcome the evil. Trigon will rise from the Nether-verse by your summoning and you and he will overrun the realms."

"And if I implant the Seed in her, what will become of her?"

"She will merely keep it, and keep it well. She is, by nature, accepting, which is why in her stasis, you will be able to implant her with the Seed, unlike if she were awake, where everything within her will resist. But even in sleep, the evil would be unable to break free of her. If she does not wake, she becomes all the more perfect for her function."

Raven hated how detached this Azar essence was. The real Azar never would have suggested such a thing, but Raven supposed it was not the essence's fault. It was just telling her the facts. "And if she wakes? What will become of the Seed? What will become of Star?"

Azar raised a hand, palm up. "She will feel the presence within her but will know that it must be kept sealed. She will seek enlightenment for questions she knows not how to ask. She will climb the Tree of Life, reach for _Kether_ and aspire for _Ain Soph." _Azar's hand rose as she spoke, her gaze lifting in response.

Raven scoffed. "In other words, she'll wander the galaxies by herself, looking for the answers."

"She will return eventually. When you are ready she will return. The implanting will create an even stronger bond between the two of you, stronger than whatever you have now, and when you are ready to face the evil, she will hear your summons and go to you, none the worse from her travels. Starfire is too strong and pure to be corrupted. The Seed would not be able to overcome her under any circumstance. She cannot, however, fight the battle for you. It is only you who can destroy the Seed for it is part of you. So yes, you must strive to reach your own _Ain Soph _so that you can destroy the Seed once and for all. It is not a selfish solution, Raven. You seek strength to preserve the universe as we know it. The vessel will not be harmed in any way. No blood will be spilled in this transition."

_No blood indeed._

Azar's essence was incapable of lying and had no tendency whatsoever to harbor malicious intent. It was as close to an impartial oracle as she could get, but Raven found herself resenting this entity.

What did this thing know of blood? All it knew was that blood flowed within one's veins. It had no capacity to understand the more abstract aspects of pain, suffering and loss; the bleeding of a _soul_. Raven knew that if Starfire took off for no apparent reason, it could deal wounds deeper than anything a blade or bullet could inflict.

_Robin. _

Raven snorted derisively. _Dick Grayson. _That fool of a boy who didn't know love and desire if it bit him in the butt. She had felt his stirrings, his growing attachment to Starfire, manifesting in his emotions and his physical reactions. She knew what it was even before he realized it was there, and it was only now he was paying attention. Starfire's reciprocation was forthcoming. The time would come when all their excuses to evade the issue would peter from their fingertips, and they would be left with nothing but clarity. They loved each other. Needed each other, and they would know what to do from there.

Raven snorted again. It wasn't that she resented Dick for it; it wasn't like she needed the things Dick needed from Starfire to be able to love her. It was just… how could he waste it like that? Didn't he know how much of a blessing it was to be free to express one's emotions?

But those issues aside, the loss of Starfire would devastate Robin. It could change the course of their lives as they knew it. Because when a leader fell, his followers fell as well. They would move on, in their own way, but the lighter path would be sealed indefinitely. Starfire was of a spirit that held the key to such a path. She was a catalyst in herself, which only emphasized her strength.

Cyborg and Beast Boy wouldn't stand a chance against the onslaught of the loss. Cyborg's struggle to keep his humanity was deeply entrenched within the friendships he kept. Beast Boy wouldn't be enough. Beast Boy was co-dependent. Beast Boy used _humor _to keep himself sane, which didn't really do much.

Raven shook her head. Starfire simply could not be made a vessel. She was not so cruel as to take so much from the others. They had helped in her progress too, in their small way, and on gratitude alone, she could not take Starfire away from them, even for the good of the universe.

"No, Azar. I will leave Starfire alone. I will face the Seed with what strength I have. It'll have to do."

Azar did not look pleased. "You would risk the universe for your folly?"

"I know what I'm doing."

"You cannot win against the Seed in your state."

"I do not intend to win just yet. I know I couldn't. I will seal it. I'll put it under lock and key until I have regained the strength to fight the Seed and beat it. I know that I can put up a barrier strong enough to hold it until I can strengthen my powers."

Azar motioned to speak but hesitated a moment. "You will need something very, very sturdy to hold that fort, Raven. Something cultivated and true; bonds of a sort. Something—"

"Like love? Friendship? I suppose you think I don't have those."

"Oh, I know you do. You have developed those bonds. It is those very bonds that earned you _Yesod, Hod, Netzach, _and _Tiphareth._"

The first four levels of the _Sephiroth._ Raven knew that.

"But do you realize that if you use these bonds to seal the Seed, you will not get them back? Eventually, the Seed will wear them down, until they are completely destroyed. Sealing the Seed will contain it for a workable amount of time, but you _will_ regress. You will have to start from the beginning. You will lose—you will lose Starfire as your spiritual _other."_

Raven knew that, and Starfire would feel it as well, but there was no help for it. By choosing to create an inner vessel instead of seeking to make a vessel of Starfire, the so-called blood would be kept to a minimum. By choosing this path, the only one who would bleed was her, and she was willing. "I'll lose those bonds, yes, but I will cultivate new ones. It won't be a total loss, just a setback. I can live with setbacks."

Azar observed her for a moment before she nodded. "Very well. Do what you must. But are you certain you are willing to sacrifice so much?"

"Yes."

Azar lifted her hand and pointed to the distance. "You will find the Seed if you follow the path of the Major Arcana. Start with the Lovers, and then seek the Fool. Mark the Star in the distance, alongside the Hanged Man. Between then and there, pray that the Magician, the High Priest and the High Priestess lead you to the World."

Raven sighed. She hated it when Azar spoke the Tarots and with accurate precision too. "So mote it be," she muttered. It was the only appropriate response she could think of.

She separated herself from the essence and once more the eerie black flashed before she regained normal vision.

In the distance, she could see the rippling of phantasmal colors, like the Aurora Borealis of the poles, but less random.

She saw the Lovers, in the Tarot the symbol of choice, and went to it. She remembered Azar's instructions clearly enough; seeking the Fool, known as setting on a journey in Tarot-talk; marking the Star—or hope—beside the Hanged Man, which of course meant self-sacrifice.

_Woo-hoo, what a surprise._

The Magician, High Priest and High Priestess symbolized powerful guidance, spiritual wisdom and spiritual knowledge. They were there to meet her, hopefully to lead her to The World, or in more normal terms, Success.

As the entities approached her, she saw that they held balls of light in their hands.

Raven knew what they were. It was ties that bound her to her friends. And as the Tarots came closer, she could feel the overwhelming aura of Starfire amongst them. For the first time in her life, she felt a sense of regret. It was disturbing to realize that she could feel such an unfettered emotion. Feeling regret meant she had cherished something, and in her young empathic life, where emotions were her bane, it was like finally eating that fattening Oreo-chip ice cream, loving it, and then barfing it back out.

She took hold of the bonds, absorbing it through her fingers one by one until she had them all within her grasp.

The Tarots bowed and she had to stifle the rolling of her eyes. Sometimes, Azar's allusions were way too dramatic for her tastes. They stepped aside and revealed that they were only just cards, paper thin and without depth.

Shaking her head, Raven pushed past them.

She hadn't gone far before she saw the imposing figure of the Seed, a manifestation of her father's legacy etched into her consciousness; formed in his image and likeness.

His back to her, he roared in a voice filled with fury. This close to him, the sound was infinitely more terrifying, and he certainly looked ten times uglier in cosmic-person than he did in her imagination.

His glistening, red leathery skin bore no scars, stretched tight over muscles. His long hair was a shimmering white, and on his face were four, menacing orbs. There was no calling this guy Four Eyes, not when Four Eyes had small antlers coming out of his head. He was huge, rising several hundred feet in height. At his size, he could pick up the T-Tower with one hand and send it hurtling to Gotham.

His broad shoulders tapered to a narrow waist, and the only thing standing between him and indecency was a ratty loincloth.

"Ruler of a million worlds in the Demon Realm and he couldn't spring for a decent pair of pants. Figures."

Hands fisting, the Seed turned his headupwards and blew out another bellow, this one even more frightening than the last. It was so loud that it emitted a sonic blast that sent Raven and everything else hurtling away from him.

Raven raised her wards just so she wouldn't get hit by cosmic debris. She knew that battles were one-third intimidation, but coming from the Seed, the intimidation felt pretty much like a 100 percent.

Shrugging off the fear crawling up her spine, Raven bolstered her determination and surged forward. She called forth all her dimensions, wincing as her happy self came bouncing in with irritating vivacity.

Her plethora of emotions converged on her and she grew to proportionate size. The Seed, who took her father's form, was stilltens offeet taller than her, but she was now at least better fit for her task.

The Seed saw her and it turned, the low, rumbling grumble sending tremors through her. His eyes glowed viciously and he bared his teeth in a grim sneer; a row of razor-sharp fangs. His pointy ears flickered, as if listening for the sound of her heartbeat.

He laughed, his voice echoing into the far reaches of the cosmos. He began to spout claws and his antlers grew into two massive horns. His face took on an even more grotesque sneer and his eyebrows grew into thick bristles. Muscles grew over muscles and his feet extended, shaping into wolf-like flanks.

Raven winced.

The Seed charged at her, and even before he was within range of her, she was thrown back by the sheer force of his explosive presence.

Raven felt it in her gut and it speared through her head and toes. She bit down on her lip to stifle a cry of pain as she struggled to regain control of herself. She was able to keep herself from crashing into mental barriers and reclaimed her composure, breathing to ease the pain from her body. The coppery taste of blood was tangible.

She would have to concentrate if she wanted to seal him. The Seed charged again, but she was more oriented of his capabilities and she dodged his attacks. She would never be able to fight with him, hand to hand. Azar had warned her about that, but if she wanted to contain him, she would have to suffer a knock or two. She just needed to buy a little more time between his attacks so she could create a singularity.

Focusing, she summoned all the power she could spare. "Azarath, metrion, _zinthos!" _Dark bolts shot from her hands and it hit him square in the face.

It hardly did anything to him. It was more like throwing a couple of pillows at him, but it bought her the time she needed. She zoned out to create the portal. Deftly, she punched a hole through the warps in her mind. She dug deep, searching for that blackness that would be strong enough to suck him in, at least long enough for her to place the bindings. The singularity expanded and its suction began. Raven let it go to do its own thing and she snapped out of her meditation. She gasped when she saw the Seed right on top of her.

Raven dashed to dodge the incoming blow. She was able to get away enough to avoid the full-impact of the hit, but it caught her nonetheless and it was excruciating. It sent her spiraling to the other end of the cosmos and she banged against two mental barriers. She coiled in pain, shivering as she fought to withstand it.

The Seed howled delightedly, coming at her again.

Forcing herself to move, Raven dodged and fled. She needed him to follow her, and he would if he smelled her fear. It was an easy thing to effect, because she _was_ afraid. Was it like that to be overpowered by the Seed? Like eternal agony that flared and pulsed constantly? Maybe Trigon thrived on that kind of suffering, but she was half-human. Such a life would drive her to madness; to damnation.

_But then, that was the point, wasn't it?_

Raven thought that most terrifying.

She jumped, soaring high to grab an anchor, like a secured bungee chord, from the recesses of her mind. It happened to be the memory of her mother, Arella. It hadn't been touched in a long time, but it was as strong and pliable as ever.

Raven dove towards the singularity she had created and placed herself at its lip. She felt the strong suction from the void within and she held on to Arella for dear life.

The Seed bounded towards her. Singularities didn't scare him. Singularities couldn't hold him. He had every intention of killing her, the portal striving to devour him in the background.

Raven waited for him, readying the bonds that Starfire helped her build.

The Seed was upon her, raising his clawed hand and preparing to swing it down with fatal force. With all the strength Raven could muster, she hurled a hefty bolt of Starfire's essence into the portal. There was an explosion and the sucking sound gained strength. It sounded like a bullet train combined with the whistle of a tornado.

The Seed's hand fell heavily upon Raven's shoulder, his nails puncturing her skin. It scraped against her, tearing at her flesh as the Seed got sucked into the portal.

Raven screamed. The suffering was enormous, and it felt like a thousand demons from hell crawling underneath her skin. Tears sprung unbidden from her eyes. She might have been crying blood. Such was her agony, but her grip on Arella was fueled by sheer, primal survival and she willed herself to concentrate.

Searching within the remains of her mental powers, she took the edges of the singularity and gathered it over the hole.

The Seed yowled in fury and Raven couldn't help but scream when she felt him push against the frail cover.

Gritting her teeth, she slammed all of Starfire's aura over the door, piling her ties with the rest of the Titans to go with it, and secured it with the strongest seal she could manage under the circumstances.

There was a jarring boom, like the clap of enraged thunder. It was the Seed, no doubt using his fists as battering rams, fit to break down the doors of the underworld. But the seal held like granite, and it would take several more years before that barrier could be broken through.

Raven felt drained. Her essence-flesh was torn and she didn't know if she could make the journey back. Maybe she should rest a while.

She opened her palms and looked at them. There were remnants of her bindings with Starfire and others still left, but what once were tangible globes had been reduced to droplets, much like the residue of sugar left at the bottom of a tall drink of iced-tea.

_It will have to do._

She curled her fists around it and crumpled herselfinto a ball. She held it as close as she could and let herself drift off, making as much of the remnants as she could.

_It will have to do for now. _

To be continued…

* * *

Closing Notes: For my readers of "Guiding Star", no, I'm not abandoning that fic. Sit back and relax. I got yo' back. All stories in this series have been mapped out to the end (...their sequels and their part 3s), and I just have to write it. This'll probably be done in another couple of chapters. This chapter alone answers some of the questions that cropped up in "Guiding Star". More questions answered in the next chapters of this series. 


	2. Part II Gray Dawn

**Darkfire**

**By Adamant Eve**

**Part II – Gray Dawn**

Raven had to shield her mind's eye from a blinding flare. There was a tug, and there was pain, but the pain ebbed and she breathed in relief.

"Raven?" It was a voice she knew, but it didn't belong. It wasn't supposed to be there and she felt an overwhelming sense of panic.

"No, Beast Boy!"

She recoiled and struggled to get away. His presence was invading the circle and she pushed him away forcefully, yelling at him to keep off. The cauldron in the corner of her room jumped and clanged, like it had been hit by a club.

Beast Boy's aura was surprisingly strong, or else hers was weakened considerably. It insisted on being accepted and it felt like jaws clamping down on her head. Pain flared inside her, but she couldn't let Beast Boy see it. If he did, he would only further insist on helping her, and the aura would just get in deeper.

Beast Boy, clueless about the turmoil he was causing, looked astonished and then slightly offended. "Well, no need to fall all over yourselfin your excitement to see me."

Raven recognized the sharp irony, of course. She knew she should apologize. In her former state, she would have, but she had lost all that when she used it to seal the Seed. The mellowed Raven they knew was now officially _un-_mellowed. It didn't help either that his presence was being invasive. He was not the best thing for her now.

Concentrating through the pain, she sought the remnant that was her fondness for Beast Boy and used it to the best of her humanity. "You have to stay out of the circle. See the line? It's for your own good, too. I'm decompressing. I don't need your unstable mind unbalancing me and you don't want me messing with your mind either."

Beast Boy blinked. "I had no idea I was unstable in the mind. You, on the other hand, are looking pretty crazy to me at the moment."

Raven frowned before she realized what Beast Boy was talking about. He was in her room, and he was staring at her while she sat inside a pentagram. There was a knife, a crystal ball, a chalice, firewood and dried leaves surrounding her. Of course he would think this abnormal; hehad no understanding of feminine mystique in the slightest. But her mind was weakened right now, and it was staying on a single track. She didn't have time to explain, especially if she wanted him to go away. "What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear that I want no one entering this room."

She knew she was being abrasive, but if it would cause him to leave, then it was what she was going to be. What was left of the Beast Boy inside her was very little, and she intended to rebuild the bindings on the basis of priority. She hadn't worked out the entire waiting list yet, but Starfire was definitely going to benumber one.

"Gee, you're more accommodating than usual." More irony. "Is it that time of the month already?"

She glared at him, her eye-sockets thrumming with suppressed pain. "Just answer the question."

He sighed, eyeing the set-up warily before he went on. "I tried to call you on your T-Comm but you wouldn't answer, and then when I tried knocking on your door I saw the flash. I just had to go in."

"You _didn't_ have to." She massaged her temples, growing more annoyed with herself than with Beast Boy. He shouldn't be this hard to push back. She should have isolated her aura by now.

"Yes, I had to. And I gotta tell you, Raven, when I walked in, saw all this with you lying in the middle of it like you were _dying—_you freaked me out big time."

"I wasn't dying."

"Maybe you weren't, but you sure looked like it."

Raven gave a grunt. She took deep breaths and tried to center herself. Beast Boy's aura was _persistent _and she was in dire danger of using extreme measures to keep it away.

"Beast Boy, you're going to _have_ to settle down if you want to stick around and help me."

Beast Boy stared at her questioningly and scratched behind his green ears.

"Your mind. You have to settle it down. There are faces and images from the past that push and shove to be recognized; faces and images you should've already laid to rest."

Beast Boy's aura flared, and Raven caught a glimpse of its core. It suddenly became clear why it was being so stubborn. It _needed _relief. It had found an avenue for it to find balance from another more composed, more controlled aura, so it was trying to get as much from her aura as possible. His aura; Beast Boy's soul; was in pain. His pain was bleeding on to her, which was why she was getting _hurt._ What he didn't know was that if he continued with this racket, she wouldn't be able to close the circle, and they were in dire danger of having their auras melded. While this might have been relatively harmless in ordinary human beings, Raven simply could _not_ have a co-dependent aura clinging to her right now.

_Not now, dammit! _

She had no choice. She grabbed Beast Boy by the wrist, yanked him into the circle and clamped her hands over his temples.

"Wha—"

"Shut up," she hissed, closing her eyes. "Azarath…"

"R-Raven?"

"…metrion…"

"What the hell are you doing?"

_"…zinthos!"_

The entire room flashed with a black light, and Beast Boy's shriek was drowned out in the darkness that engulfed them.

* * *

Raven opened her eyes and found herself floating on a strange, elongated reed boat being maneuvered by a young boy who looked no older than ten. He seemed frail, though there was promise of developing muscles in his arms. The only clothing he had was a thick cluster of beaded ornaments draped over his neck and shoulders and a skirt-like wrap around his lower body. The garment was long, woven, and colorful. The earthen shades of brown, red, auburn and yellow were a contrast to this person's strangely fair skin. His hair was partially long, styled in an odd mess of clumps and ornamented by colorful, stone-like baubles. They looked like dyed animal bones. They probably were. 

He turned to her, and she saw that his face was painted with strange symbols and runes, but she knew the person behind the mask, though his skin wasn't green.

"B-Beast Boy?"

He spoke in a language she didn't know, but she recognized his voice. It sounded young; innocent. It might have been Beast Boy, but not the one she was totally familiar with.

Raven looked to the bank of the river they were gliding through. She could see huts and animals prancing in the distance over the wide plain. There were trees, standing isolated in their respective places, and amidst the tall grasses, she could see cats skulking for prey. Birds overhead splashed into the water and caught fish, while crocodiles crawled out of the water and snapped at unsuspecting cranes.

The huts changed colors, disappeared and then sprung up again like mushrooms. Sometimes they emitted smoke from their chimneys; sometimes they coughed it out of their doors.

_Africa._ Or at least something that looked like it. She considered her boatman and decided to use another tact. "Garfield? Gar?"

Gar turned to her fully, giving her a strange look. "Raven."

She was glad he recognized her, not that she didn't expect it. But disorientation would have been natural. She wasn't supposed to be in his mind. The fact that she wasn't being chased away by the boy was encouraging.

"Do you know what I'm doing here?"

He didn't answer and she had to rethink her question. Of course he wouldn't know. He probably didn't know this part of his mind existed until now.

Gar raised a finger, pointing to the distant horizon. "That's very strange. How could it be light here and dark there?"

She looked and saw the shimmer of darkness, not quite casting its shadow. She knew her mind when she saw it. Presently it was stressed; in turmoil, but she couldn't afford to be too concerned about that now. She had other things to worry about.

Raven nodded, rising to her feet. "Can you take us ashore?"

Gar grinned. "Of course I can. I could do anything."

His bravado, if anything, was reassuring. This was, at least, a part of Beast Boy that might prove useful. Gar maneuvered with the pole. It glided like skin against silk, complete with a strange, whizzing sound. Raven was a bit surprised at the profundity of the images. She didn't think Beast Boy's mind was anything but typical. Perhaps she had expected that the structure of his mind would be a mall, or maybe a zoo. It never occurred to her that it would look like _this._

She levitated out of the boat and set her feet down on the dusty bank. The ground was coarse, loose and somewhat dry beneath her feet. Gar stepped out after her. His feet were bare, though one ankle had a colorful band of beads around it.

Gar, at least a foot smaller than her, looked up at her with decided awe. "Do you have anything to do with that?" He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the eerie darkness in the distance.

"Yes," was all Raven said. She didn't feel like explaining to Gar what was happening. She wondered how she would approach the environment of Beast Boy's strange psyche.

"Gar, how many… people are living here?"

Gar scratched at his head. "Just me, and the animals…"

Raven arched an eyebrow. That did not sound promising. Of course, mental structures were different for everyone. The kind of entities present in one's mind had little to do with one's personality. A supremely complex mind could have a hundred entities, but so could a simple one. Sometimes, the most complicated mind had only one entity. There were no set rules for this; no telling what to expect. If Gar was the only one around, then it was going to be a _long_ day.

"But beyond this plane there's the chief and the _other one."_

Raven was relieved. "Take me to this chief."

Gar grinned and took her hand, pulling her along with him towards a skulking lion. Raven hesitated.

The boy looked back at her and rolled his eyes. "Don't be afraid. Jahari won't hurt us."

Raven arched an eyebrow. _Jahari?_

The lion yawned and dropped to his side, rolling over and scratching his back against the grass.

Raven frowned. "What do we need Jahari for?"

"Jahari will take us to the chief. He lives far from here."

"Looks like Jahari doesn't feel like taking anybody anywhere."

The lion gave a lazy whine, licking his paw with leisurely strokes.

Gar spoke to the lion in his strange language again, sounding slightly admonishing. Jahari gave another whine but stood up, circling around Raven with a low purr before stopping in front of them, as if to offer his back.

Gar hopped on and patted the space behind him. Stifling a roll of her eyes, Raven had no choice but to give in. She wondered if such a lion could have fleas.

Raven also wondered how she was going to keep herself from falling off but little Gar took her hands and tucked them into Jahari's mane. It meant she had to scoot closer to Gar; cradle him so-to-speak. Gar looked up at her with an adoring smile before he happily settled himself against her embrace.

Raven grimaced. "So how do you drive this thing?"

Gar spoke what sounded like a single word in his strange language and the lion set off in a roaring run.

Raven clung for dear life. She didn't know if she was supposed to steer, but nothing she did seemed to avert the lion from whatever path it had chosen. It bounded across the plain with uncanny speed, passing several animals and huts along the way.

Gar laughed and made whooping sounds. He was obviously enjoying himself, bouncing on his seat while he pointed out several oddities they passed.

Raven was _not _paying attention to his little tour. She grit her teeth as she tried to keep them both seated, trying her best not to lose her temper, because if she did, it just might make the separation of their auras harder. She did, however, try to reason with him. "Gar, if you don't stop squirming, I will fall; and you'll fall, and I don't know what will happen _if that happens."_ There was no telling what kind of things Beast Boy's mind was capable of.

"Okay, Raven."

He said it with such perfect, childlike trust that Raven began to suspect that she knew what aspect of Beast Boy this was. It should have been obvious, anyway, what with the child-form. It may have been somewhat a representation of Beast Boy's childhood, but it was more that that. This was the past of Beast Boy they didn't know about. It was the world he lived _before _he met the Titans and it probably kept the child in Beast Boy alive.

Jahari leapt, startling Raven out of her reverie and she was horrified to find that they were heading straight into a tree.

Raven summoned her powers, her fingers crackling. "Azara—"

She was cut short when Gar put his hand on her wrist. It was somewhat shocking, not because of the physical contact, but because of what the contact did. It _dampened _her powers.

_How the hell--? _

It took her another second to realize the simple truth: This was Beast Boy's world. She had _some_ power, but only insofar as Beast Boy allowed.

He smiled up at her. "You don't have to do _that."_

And he said nothing more. Not exactly settling. The tree loomed and Raven shut her eyes to brace for impact. When several seconds later the collision _still_ hadn't come, Raven cracked an eye open.

The plains were gone. Now Jahari was bounding through a jungle filled with gigantic, ancient trees, clinging vines and dewy brush. The light overhead could barely get past the canopy of leaves, but it was not a place of darkness. Gar told her to stay low because of the low hanging branches and Raven had to suppress her sigh of reluctance. Crouching down only made her press against Gar even more, and while she _might_ consider the possibility that this representation of Beast Boy was _too young _to enjoy such close contact with a woman, she was also acknowledging the possibility that Gar knew more than he was letting on.

Moments later, they came upon a clearing. There was a hut sitting beside a pool of clear, running water.

Jahari came to a gradual stop and he opened his maw to half-yawn, half-roar.

Gar slid off Jahari's back and patted his mane. Raven dismounted, leaving the petting to Gar. She set her sights on the hut and pondered what she might expect. After what she had seen, she realized that she had no idea.

Young Gar hurried up the steps of the hut and disappeared through its opaque opening. Raven levitated and crossed the threshold.

She experienced vertigo and she had to momentarily close her eyes to steady her vision. She was therefore astonished to find herself seated in front of another representation of Beast Boy.

He was about the same age she was, which meant he looked slightly older than his real time self. His hair was dark brown and his skin wasn't the slightest bit green. He was tanned, and frail of build. He wore a wrap, similar to that of Gar, the ornaments the same, but he had on a tunic of deep orange and a woven wool cap. He didn't look pleased.

"Raven, you're not supposed to be here." He frowned, sitting still. His composure was most becoming.

Raven was mildly surprised by the coherence that marked his tone. It never occurred to her that Beast Boy could have such a serious representation. Of course, she had seen him serious, but only in the direst of situations.

She gave him a ponderous look before letting her eyes rove to the rest of the room. It still looked like a hut, except that there were rows and rows of shelves filled with books and scrolls, extending farther than the hut could've possibly looked from the outside.

She could read the markers on the foremost shelves. One said, "Animals: Prehistoric, Pre-modern, modern, underwater and land." Another said, "Fighting Techniques" while yet another said "Videogames and Music". There were more, but Raven was beginning to the get the general idea about this _Chief._

It was seemed that this was Beast Boy's intellect, though for all these indicators, she still couldn't be sure about that. The mind was a tricky thing.

"Chief Logan is displeased." It was Gar. Raven hadn't even realized he was there, sitting right beside her.

She arched an eyebrow at the chief. "If there's anyone that should be displeased, it's me. Your aura is trying to mooch off mine."

Chief Logan turned away, bored. A scroll zipped into his hand from one of the back-shelves and he unrolled it, letting it flap to Raven's lap. Raven was overwhelmed with an image of questioning eyes and a distant voice saying, "Dude, I _so _don't know what you're talking about."

Blinking, Raven stared as the images and sounds faded. Chief Logan retracted the scroll and threw it back to the shelves. It turned a curve, like a heat seeking missile and disappeared.

"I have no explanation for that," said Chief Logan in mild disgust. "You, of all people, should know that such things as those don't fall in my scope of knowledge. We may eat a lot of tofu, but it doesn't mean we know anything about this New Age mumbo jumbo."

Raven tried her hardest to pretend that she didn't hear him say "New Age mumbo jumbo" to refer to her beliefs. "You must know _something._ Your aura knew enough to try and tap on my reserves. It wouldn't do. I don't need a co-dependent aura right now."

Chief Logan's frown deepened. He raised a hand and this time, a book plopped into it. The book's title was "Beast Boy Never Intends Harm, Though He Likes to Play Practical Jokes" Raven instantly knew where the conversation was going.

Her eyes narrowed to slits as Chief Logan tossed the book in front of her, but she pushed it aside with a wave of her hand. It glowed black, and moved only a fraction of what she had intended, but it was enough to convey her feelings on the matter. "Fine, I understand. But maybe you don't know that you're doing harm. You said so yourself; that you don't know much about manipulating auras. In ordinary circumstances, I probably wouldn't have minded. It's mostly harmless, like asking for a cup of sugar from your neighbor. But I can't have that kind of drain right now. I need as much of my aura as I can spare."

Chief Logan arched an eyebrow and the book jerked in response.

Raven wanted to Azarath-metrio-zinthos it to the next dimension, but of course, doing such a thing could be catastrophic.

Perhaps noting her frustration, Chief Logan took away the book with a wave of his own hand. "There have, however—"

Raven's eyebrow arched hopefully.

"—been instances where pure instinct acted in lieu of actual knowledge."

Raven sat still, giving it some more thought. Of course, that made perfect sense. Beast Boy may not have a conscious knowledge of auras and how to use them, but the need may have been so great that his subconscious mind may have found a way. She was gaining a deep respect for this aspect of Beast Boy, and probably later, it would dawn on her that this aspect _was_ Beast Boy, just well-hidden beneath his foolish exterior. "Gar mentioned an 'other'."

Chief Logan gave Gar a displeased look, as if to tell Gar he ought to be ashamed of himself, but Gar stubbornly refused to be humbled. His chin lifted in clear defiance.

Raven didn't like those looks. "What?"

Gar scowled. "He's sick."

"Sick?"

Chief Logan cleared his throat, as if to caution Gar's words. "He's been acting very weird, for the most part. He locks himself in his hut and I have to summon him again and again before he answers my calls. He's hiding something. And there have been—indications that things are unstable."

"What is his—" Raven paused to seek the appropriate word. She settled for the best she could think of. "—function?"

Gar frowned. "He cloaks us. Keeps up hidden. He likes hiding things." He didn't sound very pleased by this "Other".

Chief Logan arched an eyebrow but raised a hand, as if to silence Gar. Gar's cheek twitched, but he said nothing. "Gar does not like him because this aspect he calls 'Other' mostly pretends that Gar is insignificant, therefore Gar does not… name him."

"But he has a name?"

Chief Logan look affronted. "Of course he does. His name is Titan."

Raven blinked in surprise, and then annoyance—at herself. She shouldn't be getting so surprised all the time. Sure, the dimension of the mind was unpredictable, but she should have _expected_ as much. Just because Beast Boy seemed such a simpleton on the outside, it didn't mean his mind had no complexities. "Titan…"

Chief Logan nodded. "Yes. Before, his name _was_ Other. It was when we were largely misplaced, when all this—" he swept his hand in the general direction of the shelves "—was a mess. _Gar_ was keeping things in order—or rather, _dis_order."

Gar frowned. "Hey! It wasn't so bad!"

"At the beginning, you could handle it, but when Other came, _you_ left him in charge because you wanted to just float around—"

Gar scoffed. "My time was coming to an end. I was semi-retired and I was only needed sometimes. Besides, it's not like I abandoned Other. We were great friends! I stuck around."

"Suffice it to say, neither of you were fit for the job. Good thing _I _came along and put you both to rights."

"You let Other do what he wanted and that included cloaking me; cloaking _us."_

Chief Logan scoffed, waving away his complaints. "I let Other do what he does best, even if he didn't know it yet at the time. He summons us when necessary, which is the way things ought to be."

Gar began to look even more defiant. "Easier for _you_ to say! He needs you all the time! If he could erase me, he would have!"

Chief Logan rolled his eyes. "He couldn't and he probably wouldn't. Besides, it is not his problem to know when you come in handy. You have a job of your own, but you only show up when he's playing video games…"

_"I'm a kid! _What the heck do you expect?"

"Puleez. This _kid_ is merely the form you chose to take. You don't seriously expect any of us to _believe _you are what you look, do you?"

"Feh! Leave me the hell alone!"

"We leave you alone; you think you're being cloaked. We expect you to step up and you throw tantrums."

Gar uttered more oaths.

Raven had to stifle a pissed-off sniff. So he _was_ pretending to be innocent. _Damn little lech. _Pushing back visions of maiming him, Raven moved on to other things. "I would like to meet Titan. Is that possible?"

Chief Logan only took a moment to consider. "I suppose, but I must go with you, else he wouldn't talk to you."

Raven had no objections. "Lead the way."

Gar's scowl transformed into his chipped toothed grin. Raven didn't even notice the chipped tooth until now. It wouldn't surprise her to know that he made changes to his appearance in accordance to the situation.

"Can I come?" he asked.

"As if I had a choice in the matter," replied the Chief.

Gar laughed like a naughty six year old.

Chief Logan rose and gestured for Raven to walk through the door leading outside the hut. Hesitantly, Raven crossed the threshold. She did not feel the rush of vertigo again. She descended the stairs, looking around for Jahari. He was gone. She turned and saw Chief Logan raising his palm to the sky.

Raven was about to ask what he was doing when she heard a shriek from above. She looked and saw a pterodactyl swooping in from the sky. It landed gracefully on the clearing and Raven had to protect herself from the flying debris.

"Ndulu should be able to bring us to Titan quick enough," said Chief Logan, gliding down the steps, followed by Gar.

Just as hesitant about climbing Ndulu as she was getting on Jahari's back, she had to watch the two aspects mount first before she even considered getting on behind them.

Ndulu snapped his beak at her and she glared at it. Chief Logan admonished Ndulu and then urged Raven to ride. "He is just edgy. Like I said, you're not even supposed to be here and he's acting on instinct."

"I'm sure he is," muttered Raven, lifting herself behind Gar. She had to keep herself from smacking the grin off Gar's face.

Ndulu took off with a jump.

While Raven was not afraid of heights, she did have a problem with giving a _beast_ absolute control. She had to keep reminding herself that Ndulu, like Jahari, was not actually an animal but aspects of Beast Boy as well that just _happened to look like_ animals. Flying by herself was highly risky, considering she was in someone else's mind, so she supposed she had to suck in her concerns and go with the entire thing.

Ndulu swept through the clouds with great efficiency and Raven realized that she didn't have to hold on to anything. This particular pterodactyl seemed to be attuned to his passengers and moved with them. A few more minutes in flight, she was actually feeling comfortable.

The ease gave her time to observe where they were headed. They were heading straight for the horizon, where her mind and Beast Boy's met. She wondered what she would do if Ndulu flew into her world but wasn't really worried. In her world, she could control these entities without having to cause them harm.

As they neared the horizon's edge, Ndulu circled, lowering his altitude, and glancing down, Raven saw another hut sitting beside a running river, perhaps part of the same river she had first found herself in.

Standing at the very termination of the horizon on a boat, right where the river met with the darkness that was Raven, she saw a figure, a _green one._ He had the same wrap as Gar and the Chief did, but he wore less ornamentation, and instead of the marks just being on his face, it was all over his body. He was hammering away at something hard that stood at the barrier of Raven's mind and Beast Boy's.

She frowned. So it _was_ him who was trying to mooch off her aura, and it didn't look like he was clueless about "mumbo jumbo". In fact, he seemed to know quite a few things. He had managed to attach her aura and his with makeshift holds, like large pikes pinning the edges together. He was only working on a small portion of their auras, but he certainly looked like he knew what he was doing. He was tethered to an anchor on shore and in his hand was something that looked like a sledge hammer.

_This has to be Titan,_ thought Raven sullenly.

Ndulu gave a cry and Titan looked up at them. A heartbeat later, he was pulling himself ashore by the rope, and making good time of it. They hadn't descended far when he was hopping to shore and throwing off the rope tied loosely around him. Once unhampered, he made a run for his hut in obvious panic.

"He's going to hide!" said Raven, hoping Chief Logan would hear her.

The Chief spoke to Ndulu in the language Gar had used on Jahari earlier and the pterodactyl swept down with stomach turning speed.

Titan looked over his shoulder as he ran and cursed loudly. "Leave me alone! Go _away!_ And take that intruder with you! You're all—like—trippin' and it's _not funny!_"

Raven took umbrage at being called an intruder. Beast Boy intruded _first._ She was merely here to make it stop. "Azarath, metrion, _zinthos!"_

A tendril of black power snaked around Titan's ankles and he yowled as he tumbled gracelessly to the ground. Chief Logan and Gar darted their gazes at her venomously and she felt her power being pushed back with a certain degree of force. She was miffed, but it didn't matter. It slowed Titan down long enough for Ndulu to catch up and land right in front of Titan's prone form.

"That was _so_ un-cool!" yelled Titan. Out of the three aspects, this one looked and sounded the most like the Beast Boy she knew. "And you two just let her do that? Where's the love?"

"If we had _known_ she would do that, we wouldn't have let it happen," said Chief Logan, sliding off Ndulu's back. He went to Titan and tried to help him up but Titan pulled away from the Chief, scowling at him. Titan scampered to his feet and backed away from them warily, trying to find an opening.

Raven dismounted and watched Titan with growing impatience. _"Don't_ run. We don't want to hurt you."

All three aspects looked at her like she was an idiot and she frowned, realizing that even if _she_ wanted to hurt any of them, she probably couldn't. _She_ was the guest here, and the only reason they didn't kick her out was because Beast Boy himself trusted her enough to let her be there.

Titan pointed an accusing finger at her. "What are you doing here?"

"Look, _Titan,_ you're the one who—"

There was a howl, and it came from behind them. It was a shout of pure agony, like someone was being tortured.

Titan lost his hostility and shot around them to continue his earlier escape. "You have to _go now!"_

Raven tensed to go after him but found herself restrained. She gritted her teeth when she saw Chief Logan's hand raised, as if to hold her. His attention, however, was not entirely on her. He was exchanging perplexed looks with Gar who was still seated on Ndulu's back.

"That was somewhat weird," said the Chief. "Did you know there was a fourth?"

Gar scowled. "Do I _look_ like Titan's keeper?"

"You could be more concerned, you know."

"He just told us to go away!"

Raven clenched her fist. "Can you argue later? I would like to get my business done with so I could go."

Both aspects did not look pleased by the interruption, but they liked the idea that she would "go" the sooner she did what she had to do.

Chief Logan led the way to the hut, with Raven trailing close behind. Gar, catching up, took her hand. Raven slapped his hand away.

"Don't get fresh with me, _little boy."_

Gar scowled and stuck his tongue out at her. "You're _always_ mean. It wouldn't hurt you to be nicer!"

Not exactly true. She ignored him and caught up with Chief Logan. At least _he_ didn't waste time with nonsense.

They approached the hut and another wail of pain shot through the walls.

Frowning, Chief Logan rapped a fist on the wooden door angrily. "Let us in immediately!"

"Dude, I _told you_ to go _away!" _cried Titan from within. "What part did you not understand with 'go' and 'away'?"

"Who is in there with you?" demanded Chief Logan.

"None of your business!"

Gar shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. "You see what I mean? He thinks he owns the joint! None of our business, he says! As if he could run this place without us!"

There was a clattering sound, like a struggle, and it was alarming enough to make Chief Logan say, "Raven, unbolt this door! Don't break it, just unbolt it."

Raven nodded. "Understood." She stepped up in front of it, concentrated and whispered her mantra. Ever so gently, she slid the bolt aside. As soon as she was done, she gave Chief Logan the honors. Chief Logan wasted no time. He pushed the door open and rushed in.

Against her better judgment, Raven grabbed Gar by the scruff of his ornaments and pulled him in with her. If something was going down—something dangerous, Beast Boy would need all the aspects he could get to aid him.

The vertigo was extreme this time, but she bit it back as she trudged forward. It was beginning to get overwhelming and she thought she was actually going to pass out, but the sensation eased away, and she was standing in a room, Gar protesting his indignity beside her.

The room was warm and strangely—

_Comforting.__ As if I had just come from some really cold place and this room had its heater on. _

It was a good place, and it was the Infoand Rec room of the Titan Tower. Well, something like it. There were variations, like an extremely comfortable looking easy chair positioned at the window platform. The kitchen was made of tofu and there were aquariums everywhere, not all of them containing fish. There were miniature monsters she recognized from the various horror flicks they'd watched inside the tanks, and they were oozing around in their little prisons. There was a couch too and a sign near it that said, "Dogs allowed." There were no doors to the sides and apart from the door they had walked through, the room was enclosed.

Titan's head popped out from beneath the platform and he looked angry. "I _didn't _tell you to come in here! _Get out!"_

The howl that echoed through the room was deafening and it came from within Titan's proximity.

Chief Logan rushed forward and Raven followed, pulling a reluctant Gar with him. She saw the shocked look on Chief Logan's face first before she looked for herself.

At Titan's feet sat a naked version of Beast Boy. He was curled up, like a fetus, and his most private parts were hidden from view, but Raven felt somewhat disconcerted. She had to look away. There was a garment nearby, and it looked like it had been tossed aside.

Gar, mouth agape, looked at it with mild horror. "Holy _guano_, Titan. What the heck is that?"

"I think he lost his clothes," muttered Raven, turning in the opposite direction.

Chief Logan was not pleased. "What is the meaning of this, Titan?"

"Hey, I tried to cover him!"

Chief Logan looked even more annoyed. "I don't mean the clothes! Who _is_ this?"

There was another wounded cry, and taking a slight peek, Raven noted that it didn't look like the entity was physically being hurt. Whatever it was suffering, it seemed to be coming from within. The entity rocked back and forth, sobbing and raising a racket.

Titan looked at the naked entity angrily. "Shut up!" Snatching up the discarded garment, he threw it on the entity. The entity gave another caterwaul and tried to shove off the covering, but Titan wouldn't let him, speaking to him in the odd language Chief Logan and Gar had used earlier.

"Well?" asked Chief Logan.

Titan frowned, looking over his shoulder at them. "He doesn't have a name yet—it… it popped out of my head like a—"

"A zit?" supplemented Raven.

Titan shot her a glare. "It was more proactive than that. It jumped out and then just started to make all this racket! I couldn't get through to his senses at first. He just kept screaming and rocking and being a—" the entity began to make another loud fuss. Titan continued to speak in a much louder voice. "—_a total nuisance!"_

Gar huffed. "It's so typical that he'll keep this to himself!"

Titan stood up and pointed to the door. "You! Yeah, you, the puny pest! Get out!"

Gar was indignant. "I'm not going anywhere!"

Chief Logan clawed a hand on Gar's neck and quieted him. "What Gar is trying to say is… why did you not tell us about this?"

Titan's eyes widened, as if it was the stupidest question in the world. "How would you feel if a zit the size of California popped out of your head and started acting like an idiot? Especially you, Chief. You'd probably kill it and dispose of the body!"

Chief Logan gave pause. "You have a point."

Rave saw that the conversation was going nowhere. "You said you couldn't get through to him at first. Does this mean you were somehow able to have a coherent conversation with him?"

She saw the anger melting away from him and he sighed, looking wearily at the sobbing entity. "It can talk. When he gets that way—" he looked at the entity who was shaking and sobbing in his coverlet "—he'll start speaking a bit later, but then sometimes I feel it's worse that way, because you could ignore the senseless screaming with ear plugs, but words, even whispered ones, stick… you know?"

Raven took Titan by the shoulders, looking him in the eyes. "What does he say?"

Titan frowned. "You'll hear him in a while. He tells it best."

"When did—_this _happen?" asked the chief, watching the entity warily.

Titan's mouth twitched, as if he was disgusted that he had to explain that to the others. "When do you think? You must have felt _something_ at the time. It sure as hell gave me a colossal headache and scared half the beasts off the area."

Chief Logan and Gar stared at him a moment before a glimmer of realization lit their expressions.

Raven glared at them. "What?"

"I _hate_ her!" came a soft, pitiful voice from the corner. They all turned to look at the entity, rocking back and forth with tear stained cheeks. "How could she do that? How could she betray us? We loved her. I loved her. I miss her. Why did she choose death? Why did she choose Slade? Why did she choose to die for us? _I hate her! _How could she do that? Why? I couldn't help! I could do nothing! I _hate _myself!" He began to yowl again.

Raven looked at them all and saw the sadness settling on their faces. She knew who this "her" was. _Terra._

She didn't completely understand what these aspects of Beast Boy represented, but each seemed to hold a broad scope of Beast Boy's mind. Gar might have been representative of his childhood, but from what she has heard, he was in charge of Beast Boy's propensity for playing videogames, or perhaps even telling jokes. He was the kid in Beast Boy that wouldn't go away. Chief Logan focused mainly on Beast Boy's intellect and reasoning; but he hadn't been there from the beginning, which could mean that this aspect didn't show up until he started to think logically, or maybe when he started to get educated. Strangely enough, this Other that eventually became Titan came before Chief Logan did. Chief Logan claimed that Other was unfit to keep things in order. Other had functions he was better at. What functions were those? Maybe it was the function he was named for now; a function that earned him the name Titan…

_Life stages?_

Raven thought it was possible, and with the emergence of this simpering, devastated entity, it only enforced that theory. Terra had been part of Titan, but when she did what she did: Betrayed them, went with Slade, fought Slade, died for them… perhaps it marked a different stage in Beast Boy's life that needed a life of its own.

"Have you tried to get him to stop doing that?" asked Raven.

Titan looked at her with mildly annoyed eyes. "I can't make him stop. It's his function. He has to stop by himself."

"But you've kept him here and you obviously don't know how to help him. You'll drive each other crazy."

"I was _hoping_ he would tire himself out before anyone found out."

Raven was beginning to get a clearer picture of it. "In the meantime, you make jokes and you laugh like crazy."

Titan glared at her. "I _didn't want_ anybody to know!"

"What'll we do now? What'll we do? What'll we do… I don't know what to do… what'll we do?" The entity muttered this over and over again, eyes ablaze with a trauma only he was seeing. The place shook, a rumble emanating from the crumpled figure on the floor.

Chief Logan and Gar looked horrified, but Titan didn't look surprised.

"He's been causing the quakes?" Gar asked in a disbelieving tone.

Raven watched the entity through narrow-eyed slits. "You can't let it keep going like this. You can't keep hiding it. See what it's doing? It's beginning to manifest something more destructive."

Titan looked exasperated. "And what will I do? Let it run free?"

"Maybe."

Titan made a sound of disgust, like she didn't understand at all. "He wasn't doing that before, you know; the earthquakes. So it only means it's gotten worse. And that last bit you just heard, _that's_ new, too. It all started when Starfire took the hit."

It was not a good sign. This was suppression at its worse. Beast Boy didn't know how to suppress. He was doing it all wrong in the first place. Terra created this entity, but it would be things like Starfire in a coma that would feed power to this potentially explosive aspect.

Raven roughly grabbed Titan by his ornaments. "And so you decided you would dump this heap of angst into my aura. That's what you were doing on the river, weren't you? You were breaking through the barrier."

Titan and the others looked impossibly hurt.

Raven felt an invisible force uncurling her hand from Titan and she was pushed back gently.

Chief Logan sighed. "I tried to tell her that we never mean harm."

"It wasn't like that at all," said Titan. "I can't believe you would think that of me."

Raven fidgeted from her spot. The entity gave off a loud cry and sent another ripple of tremors through the hut, but her eyes wouldn't leave Titan's face. It was filled with pain and she almost began to regret her words, but she was here for a purpose, and she knew what she saw.

"I _saw_ what you were doing! Why else would you lever my aura onto yours and then try to get through?"

Titan shook his head. "It's _not_ like that. It may have looked that way, but you're wrong. I would never do anything to hurt anyone intentionally. You should know that."

"Then what were you doing in that river?"

"I was trying to help you."

Raven blinked and took a step back. _He _was helping _her? _"Excuse me?"

"I saw it in the horizon. Your aura and mine collided. Your world was in turmoil and the entity… it got away, and when it saw your aura, it tried to get some aura from you because it—_needed_ the power of what little aura you had left. Your aura fought, of course, but I could see that when it got some of my aura, it settled some of your chaos. So I put the entity away and allowed you to harvest. The damage caused by the collision was considerable. I knew that if I didn't let you take from my aura, you'd be in serious trouble. But then you closed it. I don't know why, but you closed it, and that was bad. You needed help, so I tried to puncture a hole; so you could take as much as you need."

Raven stared at them all, stunned. She swallowed the knot that had formed in her throat. "You were… _giving me_ your aura? But—But I thought you didn't know…"

"I told you; instinct in lieu of knowledge," said Chief Logan quietly.

"Yes, but then Titan should have pushed my aura away. The instinct to protect—"

"I did not say that the instinct was egocentric."

Raven frowned, confused.

Chief Logan was patient. "Our instincts encompass the need to preserve others, as well as ourselves. The instinct is not always to take, but to give, as much if not more. Titan, out of the three of us, has the strongest will to help. He was helping you."

Raven's eyes lowered. _I didn't realize…_ _Beast Boy, you idiot.__ I could've crippled your mind. I could've drained you so badly… _She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, forcing back her climbing emotions. She looked up at them, steeling herself for what she was about to do. "I misjudged you. It was unfair of me. I'm sorry."

Their eyebrows arched.

She went on. "I'd just gone through an ordeal and I was… unstable. I apologize for jumping to conclusions and… thanks. Thanks for… trying to help. I feel like an absolute heel."

All three of them exchanged looks of surprise. After which, Chief Logan stepped forward. "We accept your apology and we will always try to help."

Raven nodded. "Now, I have to go. I have to seal my circle and you have to remove yourself from me while I'm doing that. Titan, you have to unplug the pikes."

Titan frowned. "But you need aura. You couldn't do it with what you have left."

"I'll manage."

"No. It was my fault in the first place. If you go now and something happens to you, the entity will thrive on the guilt and possibly bring down everything. Do you want us to go insane?"

She saw the grave expression on his face and then she looked at the simpering, pitiful form of the entity. Another quake rocked the hut, this time stronger than ever.

"Alright," she said, nodding. "Come with me; all of you; even the entity."

Chief Logan gave her a dubious stare. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Chief Logan and Titan took the entity by his arms. He resisted a bit but they dragged him out, Gar yelling at him to get a hold of himself. They stepped out of the house and Raven walked towards the edge of the horizon where Titan had spiked their auras together.

She turned to them. "You can't let me take all that I could. If I had free reign, I could kill you all, but if you hold back as hard as you can, I'd be able to moderate my consumption. As for this guy…" She placed a hand on the entity's forehead. The entity squirmed and whimpered, but it didn't create a big fuss. "Titan, I'm going to make up for my unfair conclusions. I'm going to take away some of the pain."

Titan's eyes widened. "What? No! It'll weaken you!"

"It might, but I could process your emotions better than you can and—and in time, it will eventually form a bond; a small one; a painful one; but if it helps you, I'll take it, and this guy just might stop causing quakes."

Titan said something in their language. The chief and Gar responded accordingly. Finally, Titan nodded. "Alright. We'll let you."

"Good. And one more thing, Titan. There's no getting rid of this thing, you know. Terra made a big impression on you; it's why this entity is here. He could help you come to terms with what happened, and actually make you a better person, help you deal with such things as Starfire going into a coma, but you have to help yourself and the entity first. Don't push Gar away. Don't try to do his job for him. Let him do _his_ job, and you could do yours. It's a great thing to be a Titan, but we have to be ourselves first."

Titan stared at her, and then at Gar. Gar stuck his tongue out. Titan scowled and sighed. "Fine, but it's not going to be easy letting this squirt have his way."

Raven cracked a tiny, almost indiscernible smile. "You'll be surprised. Now, let's see what we have here." She closed her eyes and tried to see the entity's true form.

_Alright, you puddle of emotion; try to work with me here. _

The connection was instantaneous. Maybe it knew that Raven was there to help, so it let her see immediately. It didn't take Raven long; she knew what pain she was going to take away.

Raven curled her fingers around Inadequacy, Helplessness and Guilt. With surgical precision, she yanked, balled as much of it she could get into her fist and put it into a mental satchel.

She opened her eyes and pulled her hand away from the entity. It looked tired, and it was a sure sign that he wasn't going to cause any more trouble for the meantime.

Raven didn't wave goodbye to the entities. That would've been silly. She would be seeing Beast Boy when she got out of this, and while he wouldn't exactly remember that she had been in his mind and interacted with him the way she did, he'd be aware that they'd helped each other in some way. Besides, she wasn't exactly through with him, just yet.

She went to the boat Titan was on earlier and instead of looping the tether around herself like Titan did, she tied it on the boat's prow. She got on the boat and pushed off. The flow of the water was being blocked by her barrier. It was an excellent representation of Beast Boy's aura and she was glad it was visible.

Concentrating, she spoke her mantra and punched a hole through her barrier. The river burst through the mental dam. The boat held, but she jumped right back into her mind, concentrating on keeping the flow minimal. She could feel the aspects of Beast Boy holding back just enough, keeping the exchange controlled.

Raven saw that her aura _was_ improving. The black that was matted began to regain a certain glow and the turmoil was settling. It was gaining the strength she needed to stabilize her.

When she had gathered enough, she pushed Beast Boy's aura back, stopping the flow completely. Gradually, she pulled away just slow enough for the aspects to make a clean break.

She felt the separation. Easy and painless.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Raven took the satchel containing Beast Boy's pain. She opened the satchel and let the emotions out. It throbbed and Raven immediately felt that it wanted to infuse itself into her mind, but it was in her world now. It wasn't going to affect her that badly.

She reached out and manipulated it, muting it so that she didn't have to feel it all at once. It would still become part of her. She would feel inadequate; helpless and guilty, but not in unmanageable doses. Her experiences of these feelings would be gradual, in little amounts. She could control it, and she wouldn't suffer anywhere near as badly as Beast Boy had been suffering. All would be well for her, and Beast Boy wasn't going to suffer any breakdowns.

With Beast Boy's emotions processed, she gathered the aura she had gained and used it to float back into consciousness, closing the circle behind her as she left.

She knew that when she woke, she and Beast Boy were going to have a nice, significant talk.


	3. Part III Fire's Light

**Darkfire**

**By Adamant Eve**

**Part III – Fire's Light**

Her eyes opened. She still held Beast Boy in her grasp, but his hands had come up to grasp her wrists.

Yes, indeed they had helped each other.

His own eyes slowly opened and took on a saddened, glazed look. "Terra… " He sighed, falling back on his heels as they released each other. "I still feel bad, you know. Especially with Starfire…"

"We all feel unstable with what happened to Starfire, and we all felt bad for Terra, too."

Beast Boy rubbed a hand at the back of his head. "You did?"

Raven gave him a wry stare. "She hurt us too, but she redeemed herself. We're… ridiculously forgiving. But I think it's easier for us. You had a different relationship with her. You loved her, so the betrayal hit you harder and your anger was more deep seated."

"Yeah. I guess so, but she did save us, right? Just that sometimes—sometimes I wish I didn't put myself out that much."

Raven nodded. "You can't keep wishing you didn't love her just because it would've been easier that way. You're not helping yourself like that. You loved her, she hurt you, that's done and over with. If you try to _un-_make that, then you'll just become one sad clown."

Beast Boy's brows furrowed.

_Clown_ was the right word. She had detected the ever so slight madness in his laughter these past few months. It was laced, pushing a breakdown that caused such things as Clinical Depression. She didn't want to see Beast Boy like that. None of them would want to see him like that.

They fell into silence. Raven didn't mind so much. It wasn't uncomfortable. She could sit here all day and meditate because Beast Boy's presence was calm at the moment.

After several minutes, Raven saw Beast Boy's eyes wandering to her apparatus. An inkling of curiosity began to bubble in his expression.

"Is that what you saw in your crystal ball?" He pointed to the hematite sphere.

Raven arched an eyebrow. She recognized that he wanted to change topics, so she went with it.

True enough that a sphere such as a hematite ball could be used for scrying, but she didn't tell futures. She wasn't a gypsy. She figured she had to explain this little set up to Beast Boy sometime soon; might as well be now. "This is a Sacred Circle. It helps me channel levels that would be dangerous in any other environment; the circle protects me from those dangers and all I have to worry about is becoming a danger to myself."

He gave the circle another glance, distrust clear in his eyes. "It looks—" His gaze rose to her face, as if he was afraid to say what he had to say.

She knew what he was thinking. "Satanic?" It was a common enough misconception.

He nodded.

"It's not. The _upright _pentagram is a very powerful symbol used in the worship of the Goddess, or the Lady, as Goddess worshipers call her. The Goddess represents, among other things, beauty, love, birth and joy. Good things, and it's as far from the notion of Satanism as you could get. Goddesses are often portrayed as wives and mothers; nurturers and keepers: Diana, Isis, Mary Magdalene, Frigg and Freya… Mother Earth—I'm not sacrificing the blood of virgins here, if that's what you're thinking."

"But all the horror movies I've watched—"

"Horror movies? You're basing what you know about pentagrams from horror movies?"

Beast Boy grinned, embarrassed. "Well—"

"The most _simplistic_ explanation of pentagrams being considered as a Satanic symbol is the fact that Satanists use the pentagram _upside down; _in the same way they turn the Catholic cross upside down. Look, I'm not a Satanist. I'm an occultist, but I'm not a Satanist. I incorporate Wiccan practices into my meditation because it's necessary. If I had to wear a nun's habit to aid me in my meditation, I would."

Beast Boy giggled. "Raven in a nun's habit…"

Raven noted his laughter. "I guess we're done here." She checked the circle. The gates were closed. Done in a most unorthodox manner, she had to admit, but one had to live a little, she supposed. Beast Boy wasn't to blame for walking in on her. In his shoes, she would've done the same thing.

She paused. Her thoughts merited her interest. _If I were in his shoes?_ She slid off a glove and looked at her palm, searching for her bindings with Beast Boy. There was a line, stronger than she had with the others. She looked at him, eyeing him critically.

He returned her dubious stare. "What?"

"Are you sure you don't know any mumbo jumbo?"

Beast Boy looked totally perplexed.

She scoffed at herself. _Of course he doesn't remember._ "Beast Boy, where you ever in Africa?"

His eyes widened momentarily before he looked away. "For… a while, when I was a kid. Why?" He didn't seem as surprised as she would have expected for asking the question, but maybe he assumed she had found that out looking into his mind. That was exactly how it happened, anyway.

"Did you—well, learn anything there that had to do with the occult? You know… hoodoo maybe?"

She could see that something in him was resisting from spilling his guts, but she supposed Titan took her last words to heart, because his face smoothed out, the lines of tension fading.

"I was in Africa with my parents when they died there in a car accident. A tribal chief took me in and helped me survive. I was with him for a time before the—well, before the lawyer found me. My parents assigned a legal guardian for me; a lawyer who took care of my small inheritance, so I was able to get some schooling, but before he found me, because you know—when you're in Africa in the middle of nowhere, you're kind of hard to find—the tribal chief taught me some, on his own. Not hoodoo or anything like that; just basic reading and math. My parents had a bunch of books they left behind, so I read those. The tribal chief didn't teach me hoodoo, but I watched him when he practiced it. Maybe I picked up one or two things, but I still couldn't say that I know much." Beast Boy shrugged and looked around one more time. "It looked nothing like this, though."

Raven affirmed it with a nod. "Of course not. Hoodoo and Wiccan are two completely different practices. Anyway, you _did_ know enough to offer me _some_ kind of help on the matter, so… thanks." _Again._

He shrugged. After a moment, he blew a breath from the corner of his lip and a few locks of his hair caught it. "I was afraid—I was afraid you'd done something desperate because Star was—because she isn't well."

This was an interesting twist. Raven had to wonder about that. "Now why would you think I would 'do something desperate' because there was something wrong with Star?"

Beast Boy looked away, pushing some of the scattered herbs on the floor idly. He shrugged one shoulder. "I always thought you were—you know, sweet on Starfire—the way _Robin's_ sweet on Starfire."

Raven arched an eyebrow.

Beast Boy's eyes widened in response. "Oh, I don't think there's anything wrong with that! I mean, hey, I totally respect the fact that some guys love guys and some girls… love girls."

It became all too clear what Beast Boy was trying to say and it wasn't that he was completely wrong. In some aspects, perhaps, he was plenty right, but in others. "Beast Boy, what exactly have I done in the past to make you think I'm suicidal?"

He seemed embarrassed. "Nothing, actually."

"Then why did you think it?"

"I don't know. It just seemed more logical than thinking you were a _Wicker_ in the middle of a séance."

Raven massaged her temple with her fingers. She felt compelled to explain. She needed for Beast Boy to understand so that he wouldn't cheapen it. "That's _Wiccan,_ and it wasn't a séance, it was a spiritual journey… Beast Boy, I'm not sweet on Starfire the way Robin is." _Especially now… when it's all gone._ "There was a bond stronger than friendship, yes, but it's not the same as what Robin feels for her, or what you felt for Terra. It was very spiritual. Maybe if I were a normal person who could express feelings, I would've—" she shrugged "—wanted a relationship with her, the way Robin wants a relationship with her, but I'm not normal. I'm half demon and, well—that just gets in the way of a lot of things."

"Does Starfire know?"

"In a way, she does. She valued what I had for her."

Beast Boy nudged his elbow at her, grinning. "So does Robin have to worry about you?"

"Robin doesn't have to worry about _anything._ I'm not going to take his precious Starfire away from him."

"So that thing you had for Aqualad—that was a ruse?"

"Ruse? Because he's a guy and I'm suppose to like girls _only?_I think Aqualad's a babe. Is that so hard to believe?"

Beast Boy dealt her a scowl. "Shyeah!"

"Oh, I forgot. You and Aqualad just enjoy each other's company so much."

"Like hell."

Raven cocked a smile. "Be that as it may, I value what I had—_have _with Starfire, but I just want her to be okay. I hope she wakes up soon."

"Yeah, me too."

She reached a hand out and put it on Beast Boy's shoulder. "You know, you could work on this guilt you have for Starfire too. It wasn't your fault."

He shrugged. "Maybe I could've done something."

"No, you couldn't have. It happened so fast, andcan you imagine how Robin feels? You weren't exactly helping when you told him that Starfire took the hit for him."

Beast Boy blushed. "I didn't mean to make him feel guilty. It wasn't his fault."

"And neither is it yours. I swear it's like living with a bunch of Catholics, the guilt that goes on around here…"

Beast Boy laughed.

"Anyway, you don't have to feel so helpless," said Raven. "You helped _me,_ first of all. More than you know. There are—_things _I lost and you… surprisingly, helped me get some of it back. I appreciate that."

He scratched at his chin uncertainly. "You're welcome."

"So you see, you know how to help. Maybe when Starfire wakes up, you can sit around and help her recover. Robin might resist a bit, but you know the guy; he'll let you do what you have to do."

Beast Boy nodded and grinned. "Yeah. I guess you're right."

"Now, get out."

He blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Get out. I have to fix this mess and you're in the way."

He stared at her a moment before chuckling and rising from the floor. "Sorry."

She was glad he hadn't taken offense, but she had to say it like that. She didn't want him to think that she was going _that_ soft on him.

Before he walked out of the door, he looked over his shoulder at her. "Cy and I are going for pizza before we head on over to Starfire in the hospital. Wanna come with?"

She only took a moment to consider as she gathered her things. "Sure."

"Cool. There's an all you could eat at the Pizza Hut. Cy's _so_ going to rule that buffet table."

"I can hardly wait."

He smiled and bounced out of her room. She watched him leave and heard him running down the hallway.

"Cy! Raven's coming with for moral support. You _better_ be ready to take on that buffet table!"

"Bring it!" said Cyborg's voice from what sounded like a T-Comm speaker.

Raven chuckled softly as she put her tools away.

Beast Boy could sound like such a clown. _But you're not fooling me anymore._

What fascinating journeys she took today and she would remember it for a long time.

She looked at her palm, the binding replenished by Beast Boy darkening in her mind's eye.

Definitely, she wasn't about to forget anytime soon.

**The End**

* * *

Closing notes: I was born and raised Catholic, so yeah, I do know a thing or two about guilt: I hate it. If you're going to ask me whether I've made Raven lesbian or bi, I couldn't say for sure. Raven doesn't think on exactly the same plane as we do. Like she said, in her stage of life, gender is no object. I'm leaving it at that. 

I'd very much like to thank the readers of this fic. Truly, I love you all for taking the time. Short and weird as this fic is, I do so have a great affection for it. It was brought mainly from how I like Raven's personality a lot, and how I like the idea of the girls sticking together on a level the boys couldn't possibly understand, but I also wanted to examine the relationship she had with Beast Boy. She's not very nice to him at all, and I think she doesn't give him the credit he deserves, so I wanted to give her insight into him, and how else could she do that, except to go into his mind and see it for herself?

Ciao, readers! Until the next fic!


End file.
